INT: THE PHOTOCOPIER ROOM
Criminal Justice Babe: How's it going?The Temp: I don't know. But it's going. Every second that I stand here, it's going. And I can never, ever get it back.
Sep 30th
Criminal Justice Babe: Why do you spend so much money on shirts?
The Temp: Did you ever read The Great Gatsby?
Criminal Justice Babe: No,
The Temp: You know the bit in The Great Gatsby, where Gatsby is piling his shirts onto his bed, and he's got tonnes of them, and Daisy starts crying into them? She starts crying into the pile saying she never saw such beautiful shirts before? And after that the weird tension between her and Gatsby is broken? Like it's clear they've remembered the feelings they used to have for each other?
Criminal Justice Babe: I don't know what you're talking about.
The Temp: Did you ever read The Great Gatsby?
Criminal Justice Babe: No,
The Temp: You know the bit in The Great Gatsby, where Gatsby is piling his shirts onto his bed, and he's got tonnes of them, and Daisy starts crying into them? She starts crying into the pile saying she never saw such beautiful shirts before? And after that the weird tension between her and Gatsby is broken? Like it's clear they've remembered the feelings they used to have for each other?
Criminal Justice Babe: I don't know what you're talking about.
Sep 28th
“Where are my sensations? They have melted into.. me,...
Sep 27th
The quarter life crisis is merely a symptom of a cultural phenomenon that has been increasing the...
Sep 27th
SELF PROMOTION IS LUDICROUS BUT...
Less than 24 hours until the shocking conclusion to Migraine Diary, The short fiction tumblr (that I...
Sep 27th
GONNA GET RIPPED, BOY
Personal Training: So, what exactly are your goals for joining the gym?R: I just want to get fit, generally.
Personal Training: I see, OK, that's great, to what end exactly? For example are you looking to build muscle, train for sports-
R: I just don't want to die.
Personal Training: That's a good reason.
R: I really, really don't want to die.
Sep 26th
REBELLION'S RELIANCE ON AUTHENTICITY...
The fetishisation of the book as object is another modern yearning for authenticity. However,...
Sep 26th
Can’t believe I uploaded the wrong version of my rap to my blog. Actually very believable...
Sep 24th
Listen
This audio file contains a rap that I composed, I deliver the rap myself, but it only starts about a...
Sep 24th
I had a weird childhood, and I don’t think it’s...
Sep 14th
Watch
BABY I’D KISS YOU BUT I’M IN LOVE WITH A HUNDRED MILLION TONNES OF CONCRETE AND...
Sep 13th
In my vision of the future, these are handed out to every...
Sep 13th
WORDS I WOULD LIKE
The feeling after you’ve walked through a cobweb, but before you’re sure that...
Sep 12th
The neighbours of the Nasamones are the Psylli - but they no longer exist. There is a story which...
Sep 11th
“When Donald Duck traded his wings for arms, was he trading...”
— Couplandisms, like Holgerisms,...
— Couplandisms, like Holgerisms,...
Sep 9th
Health And Safety: How's it going?
The Temp: I'm holding it together, you?
Health And Safety: You always say that.
The Temp: Yeah, how are you though?
Health And Safety: You always say "I'm holding it together,"
The Temp: That's what I'm doing.
Health And Safety: You never say "I'm good,"
The Temp: You do anything last night?
Health And Safety: No, did you?
The Temp: Never.
The Temp: I'm holding it together, you?
Health And Safety: You always say that.
The Temp: Yeah, how are you though?
Health And Safety: You always say "I'm holding it together,"
The Temp: That's what I'm doing.
Health And Safety: You never say "I'm good,"
The Temp: You do anything last night?
Health And Safety: No, did you?
The Temp: Never.
Sep 9th
via
Sep 8th
When the rich give a party and the meal is finished, a man carries round amongst the guests a...
Sep 7th
“I made up a rap about how I’ve got low self esteem....”
Sep 6th
“What is it that makes children like me? And is it the same...”
— Guy on the train, talking to a...
— Guy on the train, talking to a...
Sep 6th
The premise of Counselling For Toads, is that Toad of Toad...
Sep 6th
“We who are alive must make clear, as she could not, the...”
— Denise Levertov talking about...
— Denise Levertov talking about...
Sep 4th
Criminal Justice Babe: Your new office sucks.
The Temp: Thank you.
Criminal Justice Babe: Why'd you move in here?
The Temp: Some are born with shitty offices, some achieve shitty offices and some have shitty offices thrust upon 'em.
Criminal Justice Babe: It's really small.
The Temp: It has one redeeming feature.
Criminal Justice Babe: And that is?
The Temp: (Points at self with both thumbs) THIS GUY.
Criminal Justice Babe: ... Who are you pointing at?
The Temp: Myself.
Criminal Justice Babe: I thought you were pointing at the wall.
The Temp: I have to get out of here. I wish I was in love with you or anybody or anything external to myself. I desperately want to find something external to myself to be fascinated with but I have found nothing that can sustain my interest. Or more accurately, I cannot sustain my interest in anything and it is killing me.
The Temp: Thank you.
Criminal Justice Babe: Why'd you move in here?
The Temp: Some are born with shitty offices, some achieve shitty offices and some have shitty offices thrust upon 'em.
Criminal Justice Babe: It's really small.
The Temp: It has one redeeming feature.
Criminal Justice Babe: And that is?
The Temp: (Points at self with both thumbs) THIS GUY.
Criminal Justice Babe: ... Who are you pointing at?
The Temp: Myself.
Criminal Justice Babe: I thought you were pointing at the wall.
The Temp: I have to get out of here. I wish I was in love with you or anybody or anything external to myself. I desperately want to find something external to myself to be fascinated with but I have found nothing that can sustain my interest. Or more accurately, I cannot sustain my interest in anything and it is killing me.
Sep 3rd
Ashley Cosmopsis is helping me monetize my ability to create...
Sep 2nd
PC Black Belt: Cheer up mate, it might never happen.
The Temp: I know, that's what I'm worried about.
The Temp: I know, that's what I'm worried about.
Sep 2nd
“You ought to go temping sometime. Try it sometime,” I said. “It’s full of phonies, and all you do...
Sep 1st
See if you can spot:
Knife tube
Collapsible baton
...
Sep 1st